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Marriage Is Meant To Be Addictive Not Disposable

by Richard Norris on March 3, 2014

Marriage Wedding Ring

Marriage Is Meant To Be Addictive Not Disposable

Marriage in some parts of the world appears to be treated with contempt. It appears to be endangered. A few decades ago marriages were the norm. Depending on the stats you read, divorce rates are greater than marriage rates. The end is nigh. Men are seemingly failing at marriage. Failing to ask. Failing to commit. And men don’t seemed to be bothered!

I am happily married. Have been for nearly 23 years. Nancy was, is and always will be my wife for life. I’m addicted to her in a balanced way; I’m addicted to our marriage. I will do all I can to keep it thriving. I love getting my fix each day. I am beginning to realize that I am likely now in the minority.

Are you committed to your marriage or just yourself?

Some men see marriage as a commitment. Others don’t. You can tell others don’t because of the declining trend of marriage, the increasing trend of divorce and single mums.

No one said marriage would be easy. Mine hasn’t. Every day it requires intentional effort to make it better than the day before. Marriage is rewarding when you commit to make it the best you can alongside your wife. It’s certainly not a one man show. Marriage is the coming together of two imperfect people who are to serve one another to perfect who God created each other to be. It is a selfless commitment for the best of each other.

Marriage is not disposable.

Today we live in a fast-paced, sound-bite, disposable world. Because we have become accustomed to such a life, marriage by association is seen as disposable. Use it. Abuse it. Discard it. If you don’t like it, you can get a new one. This smacks of a selfish approach to life and relationships. The pandemic of single mums, fatherless kids and divorce underlines the absence of men honoring their responsibilities. Many men are failing their commitments.

This day and age of prenuptial agreements screams at me that there is a lack of commitment. Such agreements allude that before and throughout such a “marriage” the intent is to protect what is the individual’s. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours. But marriage is about “ours”, about “we” and about “us”. It’s not about “me”, “you”, “yours” and “mine”.

Marriage is about commitment.

You cannot write an exit clause in a marriage that God wants you to honor.

Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Mark 10:9

Commitment is an all or none. You either put all of yourself into something or you don’t – mind, body and soul. You are either committed or you are not. There is no room for “try”. Try means you give yourself an escape clause. With commitment, what you are setting out on is a must! Commitment sees obstacles as exercise. Commitment keeps your eyes on the prize and burns the bridge behind you so there is no turning back.

Marriage is about completion.

Marriage is not two individuals living together where the focus is on what each person can get out of it for themselves. Marriage is the coming together of two individuals to become one. It’s about integrity.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Mark 10:7-8

Marriage is not a competition. It’s about completion. As a husband you are meant to complete your wife and she is meant to complete you. Nancy completes me. She was and is great at socializing. I was not. She has helped me to improve. I am headstrong and more likely to take risks. Nancy grounds me with her common sense. I am brute force and ignorance; she is a gentle touch and insight. Only with Nancy did I discover that I was meant to be a dad.

Sometimes I think of how I would manage without Nancy if she died first. I know I would be dysfunctional. In many ways, when you are married you become like Siamese twins – inseparable. To separate conjoined twins is very risky especially when they share organs. There is a good chance one or both may die. To separate and divorce runs a risk that a part of each you and your family will die. I don’t know about you but I don’t want any part of me to die.

Marriage is an investment.

Marriage is meant to be about love. Love is a blessing. A blessing is a good thing. And we all want more of a good thing. Your marriage and mine is a blessing not a curse. Sadly, some men see it as the latter. Generally, we avoid what we don’t want. If our marriage starts going south, a brave man will fight for it. A coward will run from it. What you think about you bring about. If you think marriage is tough and toxic, it will be. I imagine not one man who is married entered it in the hope it would be awful.  The truth is marriages only get toxic when you allow the toxin in and you feed it. What you feed you breed.

A marriage is like a good investment – you put it where you expect great returns. 23 years ago if we had invested $1000 in Microsoft we’d be up about a million dollars. The wonderful thing about marriage is that the more you put into it the more you get out of it. A marriage is greater than the sum of its parts. In our house 1+1=4 at least, as there are 4 of us now. It’s the safest and best place to invest your time, energy and resources. After all, your legacy is in your marriage and your family more than it will ever be in your career.

The more you make a stand for your marriage, the more it will stand the tests. The more you give of yourself to your wife and your marriage the greater will be your marriage. Your commitment will determine your return on your investment.

Your Powerplay

Identify one area where you need to step up your commitment to your wife and marriage. Invest your best today.


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